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Improve Your Relationship By Getting A Cleaner!
There are many reasons why people decide to get domestic cleaning companies in to clean their homes, but, this week I’m going to talk about how it could potentially save your marriage! Now that may sound dramatic, but it is frequently given as a reason for divorce and that may sound petty, but inequality in the home can cause all kinds of resentment and when one half of a partnership is not pulling their weight in this area it might say something about their wider attitudes to women (if it’s a man), life, relationships or might be a reflection of very different priorities. House cleaning can become a battleground!
Why does cleaning cause arguments?
1. You’re not used to sharing your home with someone else
When you start a relationship you’re not living with someone straight away and for people used to living alone and exactly as they please, it can be a very big adjustment to share your space with someone else. This sharing of a home can highlight some of your own and the other person’s more annoying habits or specific tastes and ways of doing things. Not everyone can accept this difference and may want their partner to become more like them. Sometimes a partner is happy to adapt and might just need a bit of training, but other times they might not want to go along with it.
2. Cleanliness is extremely important to you and not for the other person
For some people a clean home is absolutely essential for their mental well-being and is a very high priority. I can understand this as your home is often a reflection of your inner state of mind. A super clean house might suggest that you have a strong need for order to feel at ease, a bit of mess or an average amount of dirt suggests you are fairly laid back, but able to ignore a little chaos and a lot of mess suggests you have other priorities that have taken over or are possibly overwhelmed and stressed out. If you find yourself as a couple prioritising a clean home differently then it might cause trouble. For the person who likes things very clean it really can cause real stress and agitation to have their home under par. It can be difficult for the other partner to take this seriously if it’s not something that bothers them. For the person who is less bothered by cleanliness they may feel annoyed at being made to work harder on the home or being nagged all the time.
3. Partners have different ideas of each other’s role within the home.
There is of course the other, more old fashioned issue with cleaning where you may be with a traditional type of man who doesn’t think it’s his job to do the cleaning. It is possible for this to go the other way too with a woman feeling she shouldn’t do the cleaning, but more often it is the other way around. This may be getting better as men realise they have to play an equal part now women are working as well, but all too often we see that young men have been mollycoddled by their mothers and though they know logically that things should be equal they may not actually be able to bring themselves to notice the need for cleaning or even do it. This is perhaps the most troublesome aspect of inequality of household chores in a couple. For the very traditional man who thinks cleaning is a woman’s job, that is plainly infuriating and probably says a lot about how he treats and views women in general. Not many women these days would be happy to be with someone like this! For the young lad who has just never had to do it or never learned, there is more hope, but it may still take quite a lot of effort on the woman’s part to help him learn, recognise what needs doing and when and to take responsibility so she’s not just instructing him to do things, but instead just gets on with it himself. Again, just to re-iterate, this can go both ways!
All of these things are exacerbated by the long hours we work. When we’re tired, the last thing we want to do is clean the house… which, as we all know is work in itself! So we try to get out of it or get slack and one or both partners gets annoyed. Over the years, this can build up a sense of resentment that may become unmanageable.
How to Stop Arguing About Housework
That last bit was all a bit depressing, but there are a million and one things you can try to improve things. Here is a list of some examples:
1. Communicate clearly!
If you are really bothered by the housework and you’re not being taken seriously, you need to convey how seriously you feel about it to your partner. Don’t end the conversation until they acknowledge the gravity of it. 30% of divorces claim inequality with household chores led to their divorce. Explain why it is so important to you, what effect it has on you if the house isn’t clean or how their behaviour makes you feel. Try not to approach this conversation with anger, blame or nagging or even telling them what to do. Merely present your feelings and suggest specific things that they could do to support you, such as take responsibility for the emptying of all the bins in the house.
2. Try bargaining.
Trying to keep on top of all household chores yourself is a big thing. Why not hand over responsibility of some specific chores to your partner? Talk about what things you both hate doing the most and if there are things that they don’t mind that you hate, ask them to take full responsibility for that chore. For example, I will take responsibility for washing the dishes after dinner and you will be responsibility for emptying the cat litter tray each week. Then… and this is the most important bit… you must forget about the thing you’re not responsible for any more. If it’s not getting done, leave it. Leave it to get completely ridiculous if it needs to. It is not your job and they will probably get round to it at some point and realise they need to do it more often.
3. Set a rota.
This should be very detailed and specific. List all the jobs in the house that need doing regularly. Write down how frequently they need doing and then slot them in to a monthly rota with tasks divided between the two of you. For best results you should plan this together and both make choices about what you will be doing.
4. Just get on with it.
Now this isn’t always appropriate, but if you have exceptionally high standards for how clean the home should be, it might be unrealistic to expect other people to match that as perhaps, cleaning isn’t as important is even you think it is, but it gives you satisfaction which is fine. Again, you could introduce an element of bargaining here and just get your partner to cook dinner or take responsibility for DIY, emptying bins or maintaining the car or garden. If these are things you’re less bothered about then pass over those duties and you just get on with keeping your house absolutely spotless!
5. Be receptive.
This applies to both partners in the relationship. Be receptive to the idea that cleanliness genuinely bothers your partner and be careful to take it seriously. Be receptive to learning how they like things to be cleaned. Be receptive to the idea of slacking on the cleaning a bit more if your partner doesn’t think it is as important. Flexibility and supportiveness will do wonders.
6. Match the effort your partner puts in.
This doesn’t even require a conversation. If you feel you’re doing all the work, just stop! Only do as much as your partner is doing. So what? Why are you making all that effort?
Get Clear Interiors In To Do It All For You!
7. This is our favourite solution. Get us in to do all the cleaning for you. If someone else is doing it all then it ceases to be a chore for either of you and you surely have less to argue about then. There will of course be other things like cooking dinner, washing the dishes, washing clothes, but, for these things you can use the tips above to manage the rest. When the bulk is being done by someone else, these other tasks take up far less of your time and energy so you’re not tired and angry with your partner. Also, we have a platinum housekeeping service, which could take away almost all household duties, so if you’re really struggling, it could be the answer! If you don’t live in Norwich then find your local domestic cleaning company or use the tips above. If you do live in Norwich then Clear Interiors is here to help!